Hymn to the Democratic Party
The Democratic Party giveth
And the Democratic Party taketh away.
Blessed be the name of the Democratic Party.
O donkey-eared Deity, friend of the poor,
How social is thy security,
How urban thy renewal,
How central thine intelligence.
Thou art the Good Shepherd
Who knoweth full well
The uses of sheep.
O mightiest of fleecers
How internal is thy revenue,
How federally administered thy
Foods and thy drugs,
How federally commissioned
The party loves me
This I know
The precinct captain
Tells me so.
Little guys to it belong,
They are weak but it is strong.
Yes, the party loves me,
Sure, the party loves me,
You bet the party loves me,
The Liberals tell me so.
Ass-headed God, have mercy
Upon me. Thine were the vows
Of my radical youth;
Thou wilt not forsake me
In my mature and responsible
Old age. Golden-Hoofed Quadroped,
Look with favor upon me.
Even as with Abraham and Isaac
Have I offered unto thee my sons
Upon the altar of Obedience.
Of the first fruits of the heathen
Have I made thee burnt offerings.
Yea though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of slump I shall fear
No recession. Thine initials
And thine agendas they comfort me.
Thou preparest before me a table
In the presence of Republicans.
Surely welfare and relief checks
Shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I shall dwell in Public Housing forever.